The Ring
A most unconventional, secret engagement had taken place. Biene and I did not feel any need to share the joyful news of our clandestine arrangement with anyone. While our parents, relatives and friends saw our love story unfolding before their eyes, they did not suspect anything more than what was normal at our age to do, to have a few dates, to meet at regular albeit long intervals. However, breaking well-established and meaningful conventions, such as a formal engagement, was not without peril, which we in our elevated state of romantic ecstasy did not foresee and whose warning signs we did not heed.
Another danger was lurking from deep within me, the tendency to fast forward into the future, then to look back from an imaginary vantage point and view in horror all the possible things that could go wrong. The worst of these mental acrobatics was that I was afraid that I would have to take the blame for Biene’s future hardships, suffering and pain. These were the thoughts that were passing through my convoluted mind. In simple terms, I was also a bit scared about having the boldness to ask her to marry me in the light of having ahead very little income, an uncertain future, and a long period of separation. So I wrote in a letter:
“Now I recall something else I wanted to tell you. I would very much like, when I am no longer in Germany, that you feel obligated by nothing except by your heart and feeling. Do you know what I mean? We have always striven to be honest even when we found it hard to do so. But it is exactly that honesty, which unites us so firmly. Perhaps you had expected to hear from me more concise plans on our walk through the snow to the old mill and back. See, my dear Biene, this was also the reason, why I found it so difficult to talk. I do not wish to exert any pressure on you. When I tell you, I need you –I really need you -, then in a sense I have already exerted pressure. Therefore, dear Biene, I urge you to let your heart decide.”
The Old Mill at the Edge of Town
The promise we made to each other on our wintry walk was barely one week old. And already I had cast doubts on the strength of our love for each other. I was very lucky that Biene did not take it as an insult. Even though it had never been my intention, one could have accused me of putting her love to the test. Of course, from her response I could tell that she felt saddened by the doubts I still had about her true feelings. But at the same time, my letter had compelled her to say that she loved me so much that she could belong to no one but me. I had to smile when I read the following lines,
“And if you were as poor as a church mouse, I would rather be a church mouse. Peter, don’t laugh, I really mean it. I would also like to give you a sign. May I give you my ring? It is the most precious thing I possess except for your letters and the book you wrote for me. Never would I have parted with it, but with you I find it easy to do. You must not think I am superstitious, but I believe it will bring you luck. And one day, dear Peter, when you write to me, ‘Biene, come to me!’ you can return it to me. Oh Peter, it makes me so indescribably happy to believe in a future with you. I am always thinking of us and I am indescribably happy about our secret. Dear Peter, I am so thankful that you have always stuck with me even though I so often hurt you, because I didn’t know that I loved you so much.”
Gertrud Pankni, Biene’s Grandmother – 1931
The ring turned out to be a very precious family heirloom that was being passed down from Biene’s great-grandmother to her grandmother Gertrud and then, after the latter had passed away, finally to Biene. It was symbolic in more than one way. But the meaning as an engagement ring escaped me completely at the time. Of course, I was happy with it as a gift and as a token of Biene’s love. It was a bit too small to wear on my ring finger. To be sure, if I had, it would have raised a few eyebrows in my military environment. But I did wear it on my little finger during the night and turned it a few times to let it do its magic. Alas, in spite of all that talk about talking frankly and freely, I never understood the real meaning of Biene’s gift, and Biene did not have the courage to ask me for an engagement ring. If the reader thinks I needed to be rich and gainfully employed, before humbly falling on his knees to ask for her hand in marriage, he would have been misled by the Anglo-American custom of buying a diamond ring for one’s sweetheart. In Germany, all one needs is a golden ring, which one wears on the ring finger of the right hand for the engagement and on the left hand at the wedding. What a simple and affordable tradition! Yet, I was blind and did not interpret Biene’s gift as her most ardent desire to wear a ring from me, before we separated for a very long time.
The Peter and Gertrud Klopp Family 
Many times, It’s very common to feel insecure about the future which holds us down from proceeding ahead.
I also feel that most of American traditions are result of commercial interest. In order, to maximize earning prospects the brands & corporations start advertising and marketing it in a way, that they set themselves in our sub-conscious mind. We have moved away from the customs and traditions which evolved out of situation to the one that best serves commercial gains. valentine’s day is surely one such event.
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Agree with you whole-heartedly. Perfect images from the commercial world tell people what to do. I tell my children every day is Valentines, and Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Children’s day, Diwali type of festivals that light up the World, and Christmases about Great men who walked our earth.
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you are imparting right education and values. With so much information blast, it’s natural to get influenced. Thanks for sharing your views. 🙂
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Thank you Arv! You made my effort worthwhile.
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🙂
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You are so right! All major festivals are being exploited by commercial interest. Valentine’s Day is a good example. One can buy a gift for one’s sweetheart, which is the cheap and easy way. Or one can actually do something like cook a favourite meal or write a meaningful poem. The possibilities are almost endless.
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You are right the thought counts, it’s not necessary to buy and gift expensive stuff. Ensuring that your loved one gets special attention is what makes all the difference. 🙂
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Peter –
Such a nice surprise to come downstairs early this morning see this post in my WordPress Reader feed. I enjoy what I’ve read so far and will be sure to follow along with your autobiography.
Kalen
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Thank you very much, Kalen! Your comment is very much appreciated. Kind words like this give me the courage and strength to carry on with our family story. I recall that you once started with your autobiography, which I found very interesting. I encourage you to carry on with this worthwhile project, Kalen.
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Peter –
I’m so happy to offer encouragement since your encouragement was very important to me when I was doing my writing. I do plan to get back to my autobiography but I have been sidetracked with writing the story of my husband’s great grandmother – an Italian immigrant who came to Pennsylvania in 1897.
He never knew her nor his grandfather nor any of the extended family (his father never talked about them and distanced himself from his Italian heritage.)
My husband found them 3 years ago through DNA research and now I have the benefit of first hand accounts of an amazing woman whose story must be told.
Her voice in my head is louder than my own right now and I want to get it written while I have the benefit of advice from older relatives who knew her.
But thank you for the encouragement to continue my own story – and I will.
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This must be truly exciting for you, Kalen. I wish you all the best in your endeavour. With your work you will be able to retrieve valuable information not just for yourself but for your entire family. In light of this, your autobiography can wait, Kalen.
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a moving story for Valentines Day, Peter. It was really nice from Biene to give you her ring as it was the most valuable thing she had. Sometimes it seems you didn’t understand her unspoken thoughts. Maybe women are difficult to understand?
Kind regards from cold Hamburg, Mitza
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Thank you, Mitza, for your valuable comment! The thought had often crossed my mind that women think and feel differently. Understanding them is, as you hinted, is not always easy, especially for a man.
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Hehe, I feel the same nearly
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Es war von Biene ein ganz großer Beweis ihres Vertrauens und ihrer Liebe,Peter,dir diesen Ring zu geben!Schön!
Manchmal sagen Gesten eben mehr als Worte-auch wenn sie nicht zu 100% verstanden werden! 😉
Es bleibt weiter spannend bei euch! Denn noch habt ihr ja vieles zu bewältigen,es ist noch lange nicht eitel Sonnenschein,
stimmt’s?
Herzliche Grüsse!
Edda
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Liebe Edda, du hast ganz recht. Gesten haben oft eine symbolische Bedeutung und sind dann von unerfahrenen Menschen nicht oder missverstanden, so wie es mir damals ergangen ist. Du hast jetzt schon kommende Probleme vorausgesehen. In der Tat stehen für uns noch turbulente Zeiten am Horizont. Doch will ich nichts vorwegnehmen. Vielen Dank und liebe Grüße aus dem fernen Kanada!
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hi was reading your history of Fauquier this morning and really enjoy the history of that area. I noticed the pictures at the bottom of the article and am wondering is that the Fauquier Hall? spent many good times in there.. Went to the little school in Fauquier also the green school in Needles then onto the high school at Needles. Would you be so kind as to send me a picture of the Fauquier Hall it would mean so much to me.. if you have one of the green school I would love to have that also.. collecting memories of the old days.. the best days growing up. thank you so much gail stefanik
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Hi Gail, thank you for your comment! I will try to get you those photos as soon as possible.
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Peter, I am fascinated by reading your love story.
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Thank you! If you are new here, I would like you to know that I publish one part of the story every weekend. Thanks for dropping by!
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It’s so interesting to read your story, because you write so honestly about your feelings for your future wife!
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Thank you, Ann, for your very kind and appreciative comment!
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Thank you, Ann, for your kind comment! It is very much appreciated and gives me much encouragement to carry on with my story.
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I can imagine how uneasy you felt about the future, Peter. The prospect of moving from Germany to Canada must have seemed such a leap into the unknown – particularly in those days when people did not have the easy access to Skype and the Internet with which to keep in touch with family and friends at a great distance. Incidentally, I don’t recall you mentioning it an earlier post (apologies if I just missed it), but at this stage did either you or Biene speak English fluently? My guess is that the question of living and working in a different language environment might also have been on your mind at this time. It would certainly be something that would have worried me.
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Thank you, dear Bun, for your insightful comment, which is all the more appreciated since you are starting a new job and have your mind focused on a new page in your life. To answer your question, Gertrud and I had six years of English at the two German high schools we attended. But still, that did not make us really fluent especially not in oral communication. Yes, the language issue was something that worried me a little bit at that time. Thank you again, Bun!
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You’re welcome, Peter. I’m looking forward to learning what happened next.
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Fascinating and heart warming. Those letters must be a treasure trove of memories. Were you communicating in English?
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Good question, Sidran! We were writing our letters mostly in German. So what you are reading is a translation, which hopefully has not lost its emotional impact. Thank you, Sidran, for your interest in our story!
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Your expertise is that nothing is lost in translation. Yet there must be some words which are unique to the culture and difficult to translate.
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