City of Calgary – Photo Credit: City of Calgary
Dear blogging friends, you may have heard that I am having problems with the Internet connection. I depend on the goodness of my neighbours whose Internet is still working. In the meantime I will have only time to publish a post at odd times and perhaps give a quick like for your posts. Please do give comments as before. As soon as things turn back to normal I will try to respond to all of them. Thank you!
Three Options for Biene
February 25th, Calgary
My dear Biene,
Actually I was less disquieted by your second last letter than I had expected to be. Perhaps the reason for that is that the time for your arrival is approaching and that many problems will go away on their own. For unity with his nature a man can only achieve in marriage, and in it rests the possibility of our happiness. This thought allowed me to go steadfastly through the last couple of months, although I always felt the temptations, about which you have written me. You once spoke of the great assurance of the protective effect of my ring. I sometimes wonder, if in the presence of your parents, relatives, and friends you are still wearing it.
Even though I am no longer fearful about the dangerous uncertainty, my main concern in all letters was consistently ringing the alarm, namely that you want to come to me and leave your parents about your true intentions in the dark. I am sensing that this weakness will be the beginning of never ending problems. Therefore, I ask you to let me clarify this point for you. Let me write to your parents that
- you will fly to me in the spring and look at land and people,
- decide to marry me and stay
- or fly home and don’t marry me.
Please write me a clear yes or no. Each way shall be OK with me. Take your time. For it is an important decision. Dear Biene, what I need here is an emotionally stable wife, who rather spurs me on to stay than to beg me, driven by homesickness, to return to Germany. I would also like you to have the courage to fight for the love, which you esteem so highly, and defend it.
At Christmas you condemned my letter to your parents so quickly and asked me to apologize. I heard of women, who followed their husbands out of love, although they knew that they had done something wrong. And at Christmas I had only wanted your best! O Biene, could you only this time be resolute and tell me to write this letter to your parents. I would be a lot happier then. Otherwise your mother’s solution would be the best way out. All parties except you perhaps would be content. Of course, you will still have to convince the ambassador that you wish to thoroughly study the country first, before you decide to take Canada as your new home country and marry me. That decision would be all right for me considering that I have to jump over the next hurdle – English was the first – as student teacher at the local high schools. For to marry, then seeing my wife fly away again, spending huge amounts of money, never mind who pays for it, I see all this in its total senselessness in the highest degree as cause for inner strain, which I must avoid at all cost now and in the near future.
My dear Biene, you see therefore either way is fine with me. You can decide for one or the other without fear, because no answer will hurt my feelings. But in secret I still hope you would go for the first one, because I wish that you become my wife.
Always in love with you!
Your Peter
The Peter and Gertrud Klopp Family 
Oha, das ist starker Tobak!
I can understand your position, but on the other hand – maybe I am being too harsh now, maybe not – I find that at least Biene’s father did not at this point deserve fairness anymore. When one tries to push and pressure another person too much, then secretiveness or even deceit is what one can expect, in any case in a situation where it is not possible to get physical distance. Having the same arguments and the same discussions every day, always having to defend your point of view, wears a person down. It is a natural self protection to react with seemingly giving in, but thinking your own thoughts in private until you can get out of there.
That remark about rather travelling many times to Spain or where it was to instead of visiting his daughter once in Canada, would have hurt me so much that I would have left home. That remark was meant to hurt! When I read that, I thought a very strong word about him … but maybe he regretted all this later on?
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Dear Brigit,
I can understand your reaction to my father-in-law’s words very well. Obviously, he had not learned to be civil to his very own daughter. He could not conceal his annoyance over the fact that he had lost control over her. Fortunately, three years later he was able to approve our decision to start a new life in Canada.
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Very diplomatically put … 😉
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❤️
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Peter, you are becoming more resolute and firm in your position. It is so hard to know what someone thinks when you have to wait a long time for their response to come through the mail. At least, the time is drawing close when Biene will travel to see you in Canada.
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Thank you for your understanding of my difficult situation! Indeed, I felt the need to take a resolute position in the seemingly endless struggle to have Biene join me in Canada.
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You are welcome. Your stance definitely paid off in the long run.
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Peter, at first I had to gasp, reading the lines you wanted to write to Biene’s parents. They pretty straight forward and are meant to draw the line of this on going family drama, I sense you needed to put your foot down and show them the man who are, honest and not to be fooled with. Yes your lines sound a bit harsh and I am not sure how Biene will react to it. I have the certainty that it might help her as well, to just over come her parents power game. I am glad that we all readers know that Biene became your loving wife. Enjoy your weekend and hopefully your internet issues will be solves very soon. Cornelia
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Dear Cornelia,
I am finally able to respond to your kind comment. As you can see from the reactions of the other blogging friends, they all voiced different opinions. I appreciate them all. After 50 years I am no longer shy to reveal my feelings of many years ago, because they are part of life and should not be suppressed. The Internet is still a problem, but with some patience I get connected every once in awhile. Thank you very much for your compliments!
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Dear Peter, thank you for your response. I think highly of your story and actually every Friday it has become like a treat for me to open and read your amazing story. Thank you ever for sharing it. Hopefully the Internet will open up again for you. Have a great weekend.
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I’m sure that the purpose of your writing this letter was to ensure happiness for you and your woman in the long term. I guess there is verylittle emotion and a stern voice in comparison to the previous letters.
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Yes, dear Arv! The change in tone was very noticeable. Sometimes a stern voice is needed, especially if it is motivated by love. Your comment as always is truly appreciated.
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I agree. 😃
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Oh dear, your voice is getting more determined to get clarity! I am hoping she selected the preferred option and thus would bring less headaches to both of you. Your story remains full of twists and turns…and like you, we will wait for the response!
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You are so right, Tiny! In spite of the many annoying twists and turns I made it always clear to Biene what my heart felt and that the only true option was to start a life together with her in Canada.
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I am unclear on what the three options were—they look like one with alternative outcomes. Come and see what you think, then either marry me or leave. Am I reading this wrong? When you look back with 2018 eyes, do you cringe at all? It reads like an ultimatum, and most of us do not respond well to ultimatums.
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My letter reads like an ultimatum, I agree. The intent was to show Biene the impossibility of giving in to her mother’s wish and at the same time securing our happiness. Little did I know that she was just trying to lessen the pain for her mother by entertaining the plan to return to Germany for her final farewell. The final sentence in bold made it clear in which direction my heart was leaning: But in secret I still hope you would go for the first one, because I wish that you become my wife.
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Yes, I think we’ve all played that game to spare someone’s feelings by letting them think that we might give them what they want even though we have no intention of doing so.
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I like the way you are letting Biene know that you want her to make the choice that is right for her, while at the same time letting her know that you love her very much and want her to come to Canada and marry you. It’s honesty and respect for her all at the same time!
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Dear Ann, thank you for your understanding of perhaps my most difficult situation of the entire time since Biene had returned home from England at Christmas. My options that sounded like an ultimatum were connected to the desire to have her come without any obligations to her parents and be my wife. Thank you again for your kind comment!
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Das war damals sicher sehr hart für Biene..Zumal sie ja von ihrer Familie nur Widerstand zu spüren bekam. Es war so schon schwer genug für sie. Beim Lesen Deiner Zeilen hab ich gleich großes Mitleid mit Biene bekommen. Jetzt bekam sie auch noch Druck von Dir..Andererseits hattest Du ja auch schwer zu kämpfen.. Irgendwann geht auch dem Stärksten mal die Kraft aus. Das war ja Euer Dilemma – jeder hat für sich allein kämpfen müssen. Da wolltest Du eben die Entscheidung erzwingen. Oftmals werden Konflikte wirklich dadurch gelöst, indem einer von beiden Partnern eine Entscheidung verlangt- egal, wie diese ausfallen wird. Wenn man endgültig weiß, wie es weitergeht- (auch wenn es alleine ist) ist dies leichter zu ertragen als die lange Ungewißheit..
Trotzdem hätte ich nicht mit Biene tauschen wollen…
Herzliche Grüße von uns an Euch. Alles gut,Peter?
Edda
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Ja, du hast völlig recht, liebe Edda. Ich war damals so ein Typ, der nur so lange in Unklarheit leben konnte, bis es nötig war, eine Entscheidung zu verlangen, um dem Leiden ein Ende zu setzen. Mit dem letzten Satz in meinem Brief hatte ich ausgesprochen, was mein tiefster Herzenswunsch in dieser verflixten Situation war. Heute geht das Internet wieder mal, ich schreibe auf Bienes Computer. Ganz liebe Grüße aus dem heißen Kanada! Das Summervideo kommt nächste Woche in meinen Blog.
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Hope the internet will work again soon!
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So do I. It is amazing how dependent we have become on all these digital devices.
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Yes. It is. So it’s good you’re back online.
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Das sieht alles wie ein ongoing struggle aus.
Ich denke, wenn Biene erst mal da ist, dann kommt es kein Hin und Her mehr, dann sollte sich alles löseN!
Gruß
Gerhard.
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Das hast du richtig erkannt, lieber Gerhard. Die meisten Probleme lösten sich von alleine fern von den vermeintlichen Menschen, die nur Bienes Glück wollten und sie und sich selber unglücklich gemacht hätten.
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You wanted to make things very clear for you and Biene, and I guess that it was really necessary to decide one way or another, dear Peter. Good, that everything worked out for both of your. Have a nice day, kind regards Mitza
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Dear Mitza, it was time to create clear lines on which one could base a solid decision. At this point Biene also recognized that it was not a good plan trying to satisfy the wishes of her parents and at the same time to fulfill our dreams of a life together in Canada. Thank you for following our story with so much genuine interest!
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You were very clear, concise, and compelling.
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Thank you for the kind compliment, Sidran!
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