Chapter 40 of the Peter and Gertrud Klopp Story – Part II

/ Peter Klopp
princess-island-park (1)ED

City of Calgary – Photo Credit: http://www.bio.ucalgary.ca

Peter makes a Confession

His letter continued:

Believe me, dear Biene, I am a paragon of faithfulness in my outer conduct towards my female fellow students. However, do external actions describe the entire human being? Was I permitted to absorb with burning desire the images of womanly shapes, which enticingly passed by before me in the great lecture hall of the university?  Was it OK to sleep in my dreams with other girls than you alone? Biene, when I thoroughly examine myself and notice in the depth of my inner being the flickering of thousands of secret desires, I must confess that I have betrayed you innumerable times. To admit this dark side to oneself takes a long time. Some, alas too many deny its existence. I don’t know what kind of impression I am making on you now. I don’t know whether you are relieved to hear it or whether you will pass a moral judgment over a completely amoral matter. I said yes to myself and henceforth I am getting along with myself much better. I believe that this attitude is also the precondition to get along with others.

Recently I dreamed about you in my sleep for the first time. I wonder why I did not do this before. After all you and our future have constantly been on my mind with anxious thoughts so much so that I lay awake often for hours after my evening studies. The dream was not something of the past. No, one Saturday morning you entered my room. I threw all my books into a corner. In a long walk we passed wonderful hours ambling through the Calgary Zoo. Finally I woke up caused by the disappointment that you had suddenly disappeared.

Peter’s letter continued on next Friday’s post …

 

47 thoughts on “Chapter 40 of the Peter and Gertrud Klopp Story – Part II”

    • Thank you, Nurul, for your interest in our story! Like many other blogging friends you wonder what Biene’s reaction would be to my revelations about myself. You will get to read it very soon. Have a great weekend and best wishes! Peter

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  5. Du machst ja einen richtigen SeelenStriptease hier, lieber Peter. Ich bin eher der Meinung, dass selbst ein Partner nicht jedes Detail meiner Seele kennen muss. Das könnte andere Menschen auch erschrecken. Bin mal gespannt, wie Biene das sieht.
    Wir haben hier so eine Hitzewelle, immer so 35 Grad.
    Liebe Grüße aus Hamburg, Mitza

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    • Du darfst nicht vergessen, dass dieser SeelenStriptease schon 50 Jahre alt ist. Ich musste aber den Mut aufbringen, um ihn zu veröffentlichen. Meine Tante hatte zu unserer Hochzeit zu bemerken, dass es Seelenbezirke im Mann und in der Frau gibt, da soll der Partner nicht versuchen einzudringen. Sehr weise Worte! Leider kannte ich sie noch nicht, als ich diesen Brief geschrieben hatte.
      Auch bei uns herrscht noch immer eine afrikanische Gluthitze. Und noch kein Ende in Sicht. Hab noch einen schönen Sonntag! Peter

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  6. Perhaps you remember when Jimmy Carter back in the 1970s admitted that he had lusted in his heart for other women. It caused him all kinds of trouble (though not with his wife or with most voters). I wonder how Biene responded to this—was she hurt? Shocked? Or was she totally accepting of your basic subconscious desires?

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    • Thank you for your thoughtful comment, dear Amy! I guess I was too occupied with raising a family in the Carter years to have been aware of what he had admitted. As to Biene’s reaction, it is best to wait for her reply in one of the following posts. You will be surprised. Have a great weekend, Amy!

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      • OK, I can’t wait! 🙂 And I wonder how many Canadians followed anything Jimmy Carter said. I just wish they all would ignore the current resident in the White House. Have a great weekend!

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  8. Such honesty in a letter. I wonder how long it took her to reply. I wonder how worried you were after you sent it. Wonder what her thoughts were. So glad I know there is a happy ending 😉

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  9. I think maybe the deepest relationships are also the most honest. I know that many people deny even noticing attractive people outside their marriage. I also know that many spouses don’t tolerate it very well. But there’s is a balance between noticing other people and trust between couples. To pretend that the attraction doesn’t even exist is pretentious and will eventually prove itself untrue. We are all guilty of that, no matter how hard we try to hide it. To acknowledge it may cause issues at first, but in the long run, could it actually deepen the bond? I think it’s possible. I appreciate your honesty. It’s so interesting to read such personal and stirring thoughts.

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    • Dear Des, your comment shows great understanding of a delicate subject that many people shy away from discussing it. I must admit that I hesitated for a long time to publish this small portion of our correspondence. But then I thought why would I not have the courage to publish it when I feel so much admiration for the young man of 50 years ago having been so honest with his future wife. Thank you, Des! Your comment confirmed that I was doing the right thing then and now.

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      • Peter, It’s great being able to discuss some of these interesting topics on your blog! I realize everyone sees things differently. I think we both know that being totally honest takes a little courage and involves some risk. And again, I’m glad you did have the courage to post not only this letter, but all of them, along with your story. Des.

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      • Des, I just received a comment with reference to your understanding and touching words on my most recent post. It is written by Edda in German. You could run it through Google Translate to read it in English. It sure is heart-warming to encounter through blogging a community of like-minded spirits. Thanks again, dear Des!

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  10. This is a very honest letter, Peter. I hope Biene was not disappointed, but happy about your honesty. Waiting for the continuation of the letter…and the response. Have a wonderful weekend.

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    • Honesty may hurt a bit, but strengthens the bond between two partners in the long run, as Des pointed out in his comment. Thank you, Tiny, for going back to my previous posts! Your interest is truly appreciated. Have a great weekend!

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  11. Die Worte von Des haben mich sehr beschäftigt. Ich finde , er hat damit alles ausgedrückt, was zu Deinem damaligen “Geständnis ” Biene gegenüber zu sagen ist. In Eurer Situation zu diesem Zeitpunkt hätten mich selbst diese Worte wohl wahrscheinlich verletzt. Eventuell war das auch Bienes erste Reaktion? Biene hatte ja schon so viel zu Hause auszufechten . Sie hat ja alles dafür getan, damit Ihr so bald wie möglich zusammen sein konntet! Genau wie Du in Kanada..
    Und dann liest sie diese Zeilen..Gleichzeitig aber ist es wirklich des Menschen Natur, auch andere attraktive Männer, bzw. Frauen wahrzunehmen..Das geht gar nicht anders, da hat Des vollkommen recht.Aus heutiger Sicht können wir auf diese Situation von damals ganz anders blicken, denke ich, da das Leben uns ja einiges hat durchmachen lassen..Und auch da stimme ich Des vollkommen zu:Ausschlaggebend ist immer das Vertrauen, das Mann/Frau zueinander entwickeln!
    Ich bin gespannt auf die Fortsetzung!
    Herzliche Grüße,lieber Peter, an Euch beide!!!
    Edda

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    • Liebe Edda, deinen verständnisvollen Worten muss ich hinzufügen, dass Biene und ich schon in Deutschland uns versprochen hatten, über alles offen zu schreiben, was uns bedrückte. Und nun hatte ich in der langen Zeit der Trennung oft diese Erfahrungen gemacht, don denen ich in meinem Brief geschrieben hatte. Ich werde Des mitteilen, dass du dicht in deinem Kommentar mit so viel Anteilnahme auf seine Worte bezogen hast. Er wird sich sicher darüber freuen.
      Viele liebe Grüße auch an Dieter! Peter

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      • Liebe Grüße zurück,Peter!
        Ja, Ihr habt das Versprechen ,Euch alles zu sagen, eingehalten!
        Und so etwas ist nicht immer leicht, ich finde das schön!! Ihr seid schon was Besonderes!!

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    • Edda, It would be even more fun to be able to read and reply in German, but still, how great is it to be able to continue following the conversation with an electronic translator (thanks Google)? I think you summed it up perfectly in one sentence: “The deciding factor is always the trust that man / woman develop with each other!”. I agree that really is the correct goal and there are many paths to get there. Of course, all of our speculation and interpretation are exactly that because we haven’t read Beine’s response yet! Although I wouldn’t blame her for any reaction she may have to Peter’s letter, I feel that it was written in sincerity. Like you, Edda, I’m very much looking forward to the sequel and hoping for the best, as I usually am with Peter’s blog posts. We already know the final outcome. Thanks for reading and replying to my comment! Des

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      • Thanks Peter and thanks for the suggestion. I thought about replying in German making use of the translator, but there’s a trust issue there with anything that changes my words!

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      • Hallo, Des!
        Danke für Deine netten Worte über meinen Beitrag im Blog von Peter .
        Ich war überrascht und hab mich sehr gefreut.Auch ich muß den Googel-Übersetzer in Anspruch nehmen. Warum auch nicht, das hilft mir immer sehr!👍
        Also habe ich mich mal in Deinem Blog umgesehen und Deine Erinnerungen an Deinen Vater haben mich gefesselt.Wie sehr er doch noch bis heute Deine Gedanken beeinflußt. Das zeigt doch aber auch, daß Du noch sehr vieles mit ihm besprechen bzw. klären würdest, wenn es möglich wäre,oder? Trotz aller Liebe und allem Verständnis, das Du ihm oft entgegengebracht hast oder gerade deswegen?
        Mir geht es jedenfalls so. In bestimmten Stadien des Lebens hat man eben mit sich und seiner Familie so sehr viel zu tun, da stehen ganz andere Anforderungen und Aufgaben an.
        Später ,wenn man im selben Alter ist wie zum Beispiel damals die Eltern , denkt man an Vieles zurück.Und hat eventuell erst dann die Ruhe und den Mut, einiges aus der Vergangenheit bewußt nochmal Revue passieren zu lassen….Dann würde man so gerne noch im Nachhinein auf viele Fragen Antworten bekommen.Aber das ist nicht mehr möglich.
        Ich hoffe, ich hab Dich jetzt nicht gelangweilt. Aber irgendwie haben Deine Ausführungen mich berührt.
        Es grüßt Dich
        Edda

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  13. As I was reading through your last few posts, it occurred to me that difficult and unconventional though your courtship with Biene was, the fact that so much of it was conducted from afar through the written word might at least have had the advantage of requiring the two of you to examine and express your feelings to and for each other with far greater than average thoroughness and honesty. I wonder if this meant when you did at last begin your life together in Canada, you started with a much clearer and more complete understanding of your partner than is typically the case.

    Incidentally, I was rather envious when I read in an earlier post about your having accumulated enough points to pass your math course even had you not taken the exam. That is a happy situation of which I can honestly say I have absolutely no experience.

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    • I remember it well. Before I emigrated to Canada Biene and I had met only a few times. There was rarely a moment to discuss anything of real importance. We were overwhelmed with just being together. On Biene’s last visit to my parents’ place I finally mustered enough courage to talk about in details about a possible life together in Canada.
      It was only through the year long separation that we exchanged our deepest thoughts and feelings about and for each other. You are right this exchange of ideas laid a solid foundation for a relationship that has lasted for more than half a century. Thank you, Bun, for sharing your thoughts and feelings on our story! Biene also liked your comment very much.

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  14. Peter, I really enjoyed Edda’s reply! I’m not able to reply directly so thank-you for allowing me to relay this message:

    Edda, I’m honored that you’d take some time to browse through my blog. You’re correct when you say that memories of my father are still with me. And yes, I would love nothing more than to sit down and talk with him about almost anything, the way we did when he was still here with us. I really liked your point that we remember our parents when we find ourselves at the same age as they were. I wondered to myself if you didn’t have those same thoughts about your parents.

    I’m at the age of my father’s last few years on earth, when he struggled the most. I feel so fortunate to have a much easier time of it than he did. The unexpected comments to my post have triggered many memories and thoughts about my dad, and life in general, and it’s all good.

    Edda, It’s been a very rewarding discussion. It’s also been fun to see your comments translated into English! I hope the translation doesn’t scramble my English too badly; I can do that on my own without any help from Google Translator…

    Thank-you Edda, for checking out my blog, and for your supportive and insightful comments! Des

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